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War of Blood- Chapter 4

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Chapter 4
*****

Syric showed Claire the entirety of the House; it was dinner time by the time they were done.

"Wow!" Claire had repeated again and again, "It's so lovely here!"

"You get used to it after awhile." He frowned. "It's not fun when you're stuck here.”

She grinned, "I'll stay in a state of amazement for now, if you don't mind. What's for dinner?"

He laughed a little. "I don't know. Let's go check on Yuri. Maybe he has something for us."

"Okay. He's a good cook." she laughed, following Syric as he walked quickly down the hall. They got to Yuri's room and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Yuri called. Syric opened the door and walked inside followed by Claire.

"Hello love." Yuri hugged Syric tightly -remembering his promise to Reina.

"Ah... hi." Syric hugged Yuri a little and then tried to pull away. Yuri though kept hugging him for a bit.

"Evening, Claire." Yuri grinned at the human over Syric's shoulder.

"Hello Yuri."

"You know... I still enjoy breathing." Syric gasped as he tried to break free from the embrace.

"Nah." Yuri laughed, but released his younger friend, "Breathing is so outdated, sweetheart. So, what have you guys been up to?"

Syric was too busy catching his breath to speak, so Claire answered for him.

"We toured the whole place! It's amazing!" She grinned.

"It's pretty nice alright." Yuri agreed, "Did you guys eat yet?"

"No, I'm hungry." She smiled shyly.

"Me too." Syric gave Yuri a big smile. "Since you like cooking maybe you can fix us something..."

"Not fast enough for you two! We'll go to a café."

"Darn it." Syric mumbled.

"What?" Yuri asked.

"Well, Miss Claire was saying how good your cooking was. And yet you never cooked me a thing. I feel slightly cheated."

"You are cheated." Yuri smiled. "I'll make dinner tomorrow, alright?"

Syric smiled. "Okay. So where to?"

"I know a nice one inside. Let's head there." Yuri wrapped an arm around Syric and walked out, shutting the door behind him carelessly.

"You have cafés inside here?" Claire asked, grinning.

Syric quickly grabbed Claire's arm. "Yes, Miss Claire. We also go to places in the city too."

"Neat." She had to skip to keep up with the Daywalkers long strides.

He gave her a sweet smile before turning to Yuri. "Could you slow down a bit? Miss Claire has to practically skip."

"Fine." Yuri laughed.

They slowed down to her pace as they went deeper into the underground city of the Daywalkers. Most were already in their true forms. Syric looked at Yuri, "So what happened?"

"Hm?" Yuri looked innocent.

"Your meeting with Reina, what happened?"

"Oh." Yuri's cheer clouded, "Dimitri and I are partners."

"What?"

"You heard me." Yuri glowered.

"That's worse than banishment for you."

"Yeah." Yuri sighed, "I can't stand him."

"He doesn't seem that bad?" Claire murmured.

"He is." Yuri growled, “Can we not talk about it and eat?”

"Well.. what else?" Syric asked slightly amused.

"What do you mean, what else?"

"Well was there anything else?"

"Not really... Rurik's back..."

"Really? That's great!"

"I guess." Yuri shrugged, pulling them inside the murky café, ignoring the cheerful little bell that rang as he opened the door.

"Who's Rurik?” Claire asked Syric in a low tone.

"Yuri's older brother. He's a Nightstalker, but he wants to convert back."

"Is that possible?" The human wondered.

"No." Yuri sighed, going up to the counter. "What do you guys want? I'll pay."

"In that case… steak."

Yuri laughed, "Steak for Syric, Claire?"

"Umm... I don't know... stew, maybe?" She asked, smiling faintly.

"Sure. Stew and Steak. I'll have a drink." Yuri ordered.

A few minutes later, they got their orders. They sat in a booth in the corner, talking quietly. Yuri sipped his hot drink, the aromatic steam making Claire's hunger sharper. She and Syric dug into their meals. Syric finally finished his steak and few vegetables. "So are you going to see Rurik after your shift?"

"Maybe. Not if I'm still pissed off at Dimitri." He wrapped his slender hands around his drink to warm them.

"That starts tonight?" Syric asked surprised. Claire just listened to them talk.

"At sunset." Yuri glowered.

"That sucks."

Yuri laughed evilly, "I'm going to make him miserable."

"Oh, yeah... that will make a pleasant working environment."

"For me, yes." Yuri snickered, sipping his drink.

"But wouldn't that make him want to make your life hell even more?" Syric raised an eyebrow.

"So what? I'm sure I can make him more uncomfortable than he can make me." He smirked.

"Yeah, just start hitting on him."

"Not a bad idea, sweetheart."

"Well that will work. He'll freak." The smirk that stayed on Yuri's face for the rest of the meal was sort of frightening. Syric finally couldn't stand it anymore. "Stop... just stop. You're scaring me, Yuri."

"Hmm? Am I?" The grin did not disappear. Claire giggled.

Syric shook his head. "May the Gods protect Dimitri's soul..."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure they won't interfere." Yuri winked, smiling more normally now. He stood, "Well, I'm going to practice my sword-technique. You going to join me or show Claire around some more?"

"Well..." He turned to Claire. "What do you want to do Miss Claire?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter. I'll come with you if you want to practice."

"Okay." Syric smiled as he took her arm in his. They lead her out of the cafe and then deeper into the city.

"Yuri! Syric! Wait up!" A female voice called out behind them.

Yuri slowed down, dragging them back. "Hey, Danya!"

She was younger; her skin was green and scaled, as the small wings of a blue jay bounced behind her. Small horns jutted from her forehead and her smile showed many sharp and dangerous teeth. "Where you going?"

"Sword practice, sweetie. Want to come along?"

"Can I!" She seemed excited at the prospect Yuri presented.

Syric patted her blonde head. "Sure you can Danya."

"Yay! Do you think I can actually wield a weapon? Would you? Would you?"

"We'll teach you how to pick it up." Yuri snickered.

The little Daywalker's green eyes brightened with excitement. She then sobered up and tried to be serious. "I will do my best, my lords."

"Oh, Danya, this is Claire." Yuri introduced them.

"Hi" She smiled and bowed. "My name is Danya. I am glad to meet you Miss Claire."

Claire smiled brightly; glad to see another girl about her age, "Hi!"

"Wow, you're pretty. And a Human that is so cool!"

Claire grinned, color rising in her cheeks. "Thank you."

"Yuri and Syric are so cool. You're lucky."

"I thought so too." She grinned at the two Daywalkers. A slight blush crossed Syric's face as he unconsciously ran a hand through his hair. Yuri just beamed at the praise.

"He's cute when he blushes." Danya told Claire in a loud whisper. Yuri answered her.

"Yeah, but I can't get him to blush anymore for some reason. He seems to be immune to me." The older Daywalker pouted.

"Can we change the subject?" Syric asked blushing a bit more. "We better get to the arena to practice."

"Never. I love to talk about you." Yuri wrapped an arm around his waist, grinning slyly.

"Yep, it's really fun!" The young girl beamed. "Besides you are too cute when you blush!"

Claire laughed quietly, hiding her mouth with her hand. Yuri rested his head on Syric's shoulder. "Awww, poor love. We're all picking on him."

"When do you stop?"

"Never." Yuri snuggled closer still. Syric sighed with a little smile.

"Well we better go. Yuri has to go to his post in two hours." Danya informed them.

"How do you know my schedule?" Yuri demanded.

"I heard Dimitri complain about it." Danya smiled mischievously.

Yuri smirked. "He'll be complaining even more after tonight."

Claire laughed, "If that smile is anything to go by, he certainly will!"

"Awww... but Dimitri is almost just like Syric, only more serious. Why don't you like him and he doesn't like you?" The female Daywalker asked curious.

"Because he's an annoying bitch." Everyone blinked at Yuri's outburst.

Syric put a comforting arm around him. "Calm down there Yuri."

"I'm perfectly calm." Yuri surreptitiously wound his arm around Syric's neck.

"So, what weapons do you guys practice with?" Claire asked them, trying to distract Yuri.

"I prefer swords, but we pretty much use all weapons." Syric informed simply.

"Interesting. Think I could learn?" She asked tentatively.

"Sure!" Danya stated happily. "I can teach you the basics"

Claire beamed. "Neat!"

They reached the training room, a large circular room with benches along the wall and mats on the outside area of the floor. Racks of weapons lined the walls beside the benches and Yuri immediately went to inspect some of the thin rapiers. Syric smiled as he picked up two scimitars and swung them around a bit. Danya went into instruction mode. "Okay, first we need to see what weapon you are good with."

"Okay... I've never fought before, really."

Yuri interrupted. "Sure you have. You had a knife when Syric and I found you."

"I didn't know what I was doing..." Claire smiled, embarrassed.

"That's okay because I'll teach you." The youngest Daywalker beamed.

"Thank you." Danya handed her a short sword. Claire took it uncertainly, gripping it all wrong.

"Hmm..." Danya took the weapon away from her and then handed her a short bow with a practice arrow. The human took it and looked at Danya helplessly. The Daywalker giggled and then went into deep instruction.

Meanwhile, Syric and Yuri began to spar. Syric smirked as he blocked one of Yuri’s attacks. "If I beat you, you owe me breakfast."

Yuri laughed. "Alright, fine with me."

Claire pulled back the bow, the arrow lodged shakily against the string. "Is this okay?"

She turned to see Danya's face for approval, and accidentally released the bowstring. The practice arrow shot straight for Yuri. Syric blocked it with his blade as Yuri looked at the Human shocked.

"Oh! I'm sorry!!" Claire dropped her bow as if it were a snake, raising he hands to her face, "I didn't mean to!!"

"It was a good shot at least." Danya smiled nervously.

"You scared the hell out of me!" Yuri laughed, "Good thing Syric was paying attention.”

"I could have been mean and just let it hit you. But Miss Claire would actually be worried about you." The young Daywalker male smirked.

"Y'know, I can't remember why I love you." Yuri told Syric, leaning against him.

"Yes you do. It's my devilish charm and good looks."

"Pfff, yeah right love. You probably drugged me."

"I am so sorry!" Claire sighed, finally pulling Syric and Yuri’s attention from fighting each other.

"Hey, it's alright Miss Claire. You didn't hit me, did you?" Yuri asked.

"And it's a practice arrow anyways, so it wouldn't hurt that much." Syric shrugged. Yuri narrowed his eyes at his ex-lover. "What do you mean I drugged you? I think it was the other way around, buddy."

"Whaaat?" Yuri made a face, "a) yes it would have hurt and b) I'd never need to drug you."

"It's a practice arrow... with a blunt stuffed end; the most it could do is give you a small bruise. And technically, my first couple of ceremonies, are drugging."

"That wasn't really what I was talking about sweetheart." Yuri told him.

"Oh well. I deserve breakfast for saving you from the arrow then." The young male Daywalker winked.

"You know, you really don't have to drug me." Yuri sighed, stretching his arms and yawning. "I'll make you breakfast then. I'm going to get my armor on and get ready to go. See you all later."

"Later. Have fun. Don't torture Dimitri too much." Syric then walked over to Claire.

"Oh I will." Yuri smirked, waving.

"Let's see what other weapons would be good for you." He waved back to Yuri as he got a rapier from one of the weapon racks for Claire.

*****
War of Blood is a duel-write between * illixim and me. Hope you enjoy. ^_^

Here is chapter four.

War of Blood and its characters are the copyright of *illixim and *DrowKat
© 2005 - 2024 DrowKat
Comments13
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Havoc892's avatar
Alright, got a little behind on my schedule, trying to read a chapter each day so, here goes the critique!

if you don't mind. What's for dinner?"

Claire’s question about dinner came as very abrupt. It’s like, “if you don’t mind, oh what’s for dinner?!” It would sound more believable if she fidgeted or did something before asking what’s for dinner. Just a little more of a pause in there would be nice. You don't have to though.

”It's pretty nice alright." Yuri agreed, "Did you guys eat yet?"

Just something I think Winterfang pointed out, but here it is again: It would look better like this: “It's pretty nice alright," Yuri agreed. "Did you guys eat yet?" Just a little comma/period thing that is easily remedied.

The other part of this though, well, ‘guys’ sounds too modern. Here is all the ‘modern’ sounding stuff I found. I recommend changing this as this seems to becoming a problem with the story. I think the cause of it though is the way you’re writing it: via an IM with your partner. You’re used-to the modern language and therefore, it slips in without you knowing it.

Here’s what I found in the use of modern terms:

“Neat!”
Still Pissed
That sucks
guys

Moving on:
Claire smiled brightly;

You know exactly what I’m going to say…

Speaking of which…

blunt stuffed end;

I cannot stress this enough, so whenever I see a semi-colon, I’m going to point it out, even if Winterfang already did so.

The female Daywalker asked curious.

Sounded a little awkward. Try it this way: Asked the curious female daywalker asked.

Claire took it uncertainly, gripping it all wrong.

This is an idea I had because I’m a fencer and know the right way to hold a blade. My idea is to show the reader she is holding it wrong. Holding a blade is like holding a small bird. Grip too tight and it’ll suffocate. (In the case of a blade though, you lose a lot of control because you’re holding it so tightly!) Grip it too light and it’ll fly right out of your hand. (And when I was learning, this happened quite a bit!) Then, you could have Danya show and explain the proper way to hold it. This would allow for a little more character interaction and that is always a good thing to have in your stories.

Only an idea though.

The next is the whole arrow accident scene. It just didn’t sit right with me. Maybe it is my background with weapons. I’m quite sure though that you know that all weapons deserve respect, especially when dealing with projectile weapons like bows or guns. The characters seem like they know what they’re doing and they know that weapons deserve respect. However, in this scene, we see an arrow fly right at Yuri’s head.

I know it was a practice arrow, but still. The first thing I learned when I started both archery and pistol was that you always, ALWAYS aim the weapon downrange or have it unloaded. For the arrow getting close to hitting Yuri in the head, she’d have to have aimed it a little above his head (unintentionally, of course), considering the flight path most arrows follow when shot from a bow.

However, I have an idea to solve this with very little changing to the scene. First, most arrows, when they hit a hard surface, will bounce a little off it. I have however, seen an arrow clearly ricochet off a wall with enough force! Lost a lot of umph and speed, but it did bounce and fly in a direction. Therefore, my idea is the sack that is over the head of the arrow has a little damage, so the tip of the shaft is showing through the end of the protective tip. The characters don’t notice this though and when Claire shoots it, the arrow misses its target and bounces off a stone wall or something and then flies toward Yuri. Then you continue as normal.

"a) yes it would have hurt and b) I'd never need to drug you."

This is easily fixed. The ‘a’ and ‘b’ just don’t sound right in the way of how it reads. I recommend fixing it to “A, yes, it would have hurt and B, I’d never need to drug you.” You could also put “First” and “second” in place of A and B.

Couldn’t find any flow issues in this, other than the modern sounding stuff. The character interactions are great though! I’m guessing this is because of how you wrote it. However, I am surprised at Claire’s surprising willingness to learn the art of war. Maybe have her explain it a little? That way it wouldn’t seem so abrupt and sudden.

In all though, it looks pretty good. Winterfang caught a lot of the errors so no worries there. The dialogue is definitely your strongest part. You and your partner do a great job at capturing the characters via the dialogue and this is great. I love reading the dialogue in stories because it shows you the most about the characters.

Okay, I’ll hop back on schedule and have the next one for you sometime tomorrow.

-Havoc